Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
