I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
