You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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