Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
