omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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