and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
