dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
