She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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