I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
