I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
