just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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