Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
