Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
