I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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