Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize