Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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