is your mom at the bar?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
