i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
