Small penises have feelings too.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
