PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
