I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
