I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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