It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
