Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
