Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Vodka?
Forever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
