i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
