she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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