i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
