Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
