I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
