haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize