Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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