apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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