I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
