btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
