Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
