WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
