We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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