My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
