Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
