Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
