Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
