i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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