i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
