The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
