I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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