Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
