Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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