If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
