my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
