This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
