"it" just moved
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
