Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize