i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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