I cockslap morals
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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