im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
