Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize