i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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