She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
