Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
