The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
