so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
