Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
