Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
