That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
