My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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