so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so explain again why im purple
no
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
