i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
