I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
