so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
