I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
