mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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