yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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